"If you are white, everything is all right"

“If you’re white, everything is all right,” followed by a wry laugh. My heart cringed every time he uttered that confounded, racist sentence. But it was more than the words that made my stomach do a somersault; it was the bitter, pain-filled undertone lurking conspicuously behind his feigned cheery laugh.

He was sitting 3 seats behind me on the bus. A Southern Sudanese gentleman who caught my attention at the station partly because Southern Sudanese people are rare in this part of the world, and partly because seeing a piece of my home chased away the loneliness I felt amidst the different nationalities that frequented the bus-stop.

“ If you’re white, everything is all right.” That line again!!!! It’s incessant repetition & the dark sarcasm it was imbued with aroused my curiosity that I couldn’t help but wonder what tragedy had befallen this man & instigated him to reach such a conclusion. I wasn’t seeking an answer and in fact, I didn’t need one because I think, deep down, I was perfectly able to understand his concealed pain. Racism has always been my childhood companion. “My monster in the closet” save that it was real and tended to pop its hideous head anytime during the day. I can still vividly recall the taunting faces, jeering comments & disgusted facial expressions of the Arab kids at school. “ Black”, “ Sudaniya”, “ Why does your hair look like that?” “ Why do you have this dark skin color?” “ Thank God that he has painted me white” & so on & so forth. Palestinians, Iraqis, Lebanese & Emiratis; all who thought that they were superior to me due to their white complexions.

It was a devastating experience & those ignorant children/youth had no idea how excruciating & mortifying their mockery was & the hampering impact it had on my self-esteem & confidence. They drove me to hate myself & wish to be like them. They pushed me to the edge of inferiority & drilled in me the pseudo-fact that I’m worthless because I’m black. It was only recently that my skepticism towards dealing with my fellow Arab nationals has abated. Thanks to hip-hop in the 90’s & the likes of 2pac(back then), G-Unit & Beyounce (now) that the Arabic world began to see us in a different light especially those of us who live up to these Black American icons.

One memorable incident was when I was about 6 years old. I was playing with my neighbors when they suddenly began a parade of derogatory remarks. I was sad. I went back home & told my father (RIP). He was enraged, went downstairs, assembled the children & gave them a tear-jerking lecture about discrimination. From that lecture, what stands in my mind till this day is my father’s “ Whiteness is not that which defines your skin but what is in your hearts.”

The voices in the bus jarred me back to reality. The guy was still talking on the cell phone & mouthing those words. The fact that he was a Southerner amplified my sympathies simply because he must have endured the same kind of abuse in our homeland too. How ironical. Truly, shamefully & revoltingly ironic!!!! Imagine my shock when I went to Sudan for my university studies in 1998, having escaped the clutches of racism in the UAE, only to come face-to-face with it one more time in my country!!! Maybe not strongly inclined towards me but, nevertheless, staggering & humiliating; an epidemic disease rotting in our culture.

Why do we, whether the Arabs or Sudanese, trample on each other by virtue of a mere skin shade, which is a gift from the heavens? Has anyone ever envisaged how dull, ugly & colorless this world would have been if everything including humans looked like each other & had the same color? Why does beauty have a specific criterion when God has intentionally diversified & created beauty in all shapes & sizes? Why does COLOR matter so much? Why have millions been harassed & victimized for something they had no hand in? Why can’t we invest our precious time in building our societies & spawning love & collaboration between each other? Why?

I suppressed the urge to turn around & hold his hand. I wanted to look him into the eye & tell him that he should love himself & should never think less of himself whatsoever. I wanted to tell him to hold his head up high & be proud of who he is & of his beautiful ebony skin tone. I wanted to tell him to never permit anyone to insult him because he has as much right as they have to a better, peaceful & prejudice-free life. We have all been created by the same hand & have been moulded from the same clay.On Judgment Day, God is not going to make his judgment based on your complexion, race or beauty but on what good you have sowed & what values you have been able to maintain.

NB: For fairness’s sake, racism in the UAE has dwindled vis-a-vis my childhood days.My siblings, who study in the same school I studied in, thankfully, are not going through the same ordeal that I have gone through.